i came home today. the last time i came home was last thursday. or was it wednesday? i cant remember. all i know is, today's homecoming broke my heart.
i remembered i used to dread going home very late in the night because the ever so alert brat will hear the slightest tinkle of the metal lock pad on the door and start her loud barking like nobody's business. being a brat, of course she wouldnt care less for the time. even 4.38am.
its only when the wooden door is opened, she sees a familiar face, then she stops her barking, tilt back her ears and lowers her head. all these while wagging her tail vigourously and looking at you almost with a smile on her face.
her way of saying hi. welcome home. very happy
to see you.
usually this will last about 2 minutes: you squat down in front of her wagging body and pat her head and she tries to lick you on the face in which you shun because you know you have sensitive skin and its best to avoid anything micro on her t
ongue. and then she tries her luck further by trying to jump a little to your backaway-ed face, and finally gives up and turn around to settle on her usual spot in front of the kitchen door.
today is different.
today i came home, with no one to greet me. i walked to mummy's room and see apple lying there, with her back facing the door. she's resting, not sleeping. but of course, she cant see me standing right behind her.
i walked to her front, and she looked up. she saw me. surprised. starts to wag her tail, still lying down. ears tilted back and attempts to get up slightly to let me pat her head.
i did. i patted her. and then i realised she cant hear the door anymore.
and then i cried.
i looked at her and her paling snout. she has aged alot. humans age, dogs age. seasea was gone, is apple going to be gone soon too? i dont even dare to think about it. im in denial i know. but i really dont want to think about it. im not ready. not ready to accept that apple will leave us one day, if not soon.
i love you apple. please dont leave me too soon.
im not ready.
